Waterboarding: just a "vigorous" way to get a bath?

Thers quotes the NYT's presentation of our Commuter and Thief''s brilliant argument about why it was vital to keep secret whether or not waterboarding was used by our interrogators:

When Mr. Bush was asked whether he considered waterboarding illegal, he said he would not discuss specific methods used in the interrogation of suspected terrorists. “It doesn’t make any sense to tell the enemy whether we use those techniques or not,” he said.

Then Thers goes on to prove once again why his blog should be required therapy-- for all of us driven close to the edge by this insane Cheney/Bush administration:

Ya know, with all due respect to the preznit (and I do mean all due respect), I gotta say, I kinda think the cat's out of the bag on the "do we use waterboarding" question. I don't know for sure, but I have a hunch Al Qaeda's picked up on this one.
Suspected Al Qaeda Terrorist About to Be Waterboarded: (smacking forehead) Good grief! Boy, I just did not see this coming! (Chuckles ruefully) You guys. If only I'd had time to prepare for this, I'd be able to keep mum about those plans to bomb the nuclear power plant! (Flings hand over mouth) Whoopsie!
Interrogators: Ha ha, caught you, Achmed!
Achmed: Outwitted again! You boys from the USA are too smart for our dusky asses! (Laughs) Well, might as well go ahead with the waterboarding, though. I can't complain about the facilities here, fellas, but I could use a bit of a bath.
Interrogator: Well, it is quite pleasant, and not at all torture! Here ya go!
Achmed: (Giving a big smile and a hearty thumbs up as his lungs fill with fluid) Glug!
(Credits roll to happy applause of studio audience)
Or something. Anyway, having to listen to rationales for torture as idiotic as this being offered by a grownup, never mind the President of the United States of America, is a form of torture all by itself, if you're at all possessed of even a vestigial brain and conscience.

Were you a screenwriter in another life, Thers?!?